The Lost Rabbit (NärCon 2014 lördag) av Johannes Magnusson

Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes) & Saria (The Legend of Zelda)

Bugs Bunny ran for his life, Elmer Fudd right behind him blasting his shotgun. Business as usual for Bugs. All he needed to do was to pull some scheme out of his ass and Elmer, the dumb fool, would fall for it.

Bugs bolted for a hollowed-out fallen tree nearby in hopes of losing his pursuer, giving him a chance to sneak up on the unsuspecting Elmer. But the only thing he found when he came out again were three more of these hollowed-out trees on the ground, each pointing in a different direction. He bolted to another one and walked trough, only to find the exact same sight again. He did this several more times with the same result. The upbeat music, which seemed to echo wherever he went, was starting to get on his nerves.

“Man, ain’t dere an end to this stinker?” He soon figured out where the heck the music was coming from, and followed the source through trees until he found himself in a forest clearing. It was surprisingly serene, and Elmer Fudd was nowhere to be found. A real shame in Bugs opinion. If he’d found him there he would probably have shoved a carrot up his ass or done something else, less sanitary. There was only a girl there, with green hair and tunic, with pointed ears. She was playing a song on an ocarina while sitting on a stump. It didn’t take long for Bugs Bunny to realize that she had been the source.

“Nyeeeeh, what’s up, doc?” Bugs approached the girl with his typical grin on his face, chewing on a carrot. “So whatcha playin’?”

The girl looked up and smiled. “Oh, a rabbit! Hi there, Mister Rabbit! You like my song? I’m Saria” she giggled. “Welcome to my secret place!”

Bugs looked at her with a cynical face. “Not your only secret place! Ya got any carrots?”

Saria handed one over to Bugs. “Sure, but you already have one, what do you need a new one f-“ she didn’t even get to finish her sentence before Bugs Bunny had yanked the carrot and ripped her panties off before she could react. He quickly rammed the carrot up her butt.

Saria screamed. It was all so sudden to her. She kicked Bugs in the stomach and pushed him away, pulling out the carrot soon afterwards. She was furious, but so was Bugs, who stared at her with a mad expression. “Of course, you do realize, THIS MEANS WAR!”

He rose to his feet again, picked up the carrot and charged Saria, pinning her to the ground. The carrot, of course, went right back into the butt, and Saria screamed as loud as she could.

As to answer her prayers, into the grove entered Elmer Fudd, shotgun tight in his hands. Stealthily, he approached the two and put his shotgun to Bug’s head. Bugs was too occupied with raping Saria to notice, so within a mere two seconds, his head had been reduced to a thick, chunky salsa sauce.

T-T-T-T-T-That’s all, folks!

Skriven 26 juli 2014